The Notebook

It was a couple of days after christmas, 2006.  My husband Dan and I had successfully completed a move from Boston, to Upstate New York to start our "new life".  We had both been in food service, and needed a change.  Because it took us both a couple of months to find jobs once we moved, money was a little tight (still is, now that I think about it!) 

I had taken the first big step in my journey to nursing school.  Since I hadn't been overly science-oriented in high school, I had only taken what the state required, ie; only through sophomore biology.  Now that I was looking to apply to nursing school however, all schools seemed to want chemistry. I guess it makes sense, but to me at the time, it seemed like such a huge hurtle.  But I'd gone ahead and registered for a general chemistry class at one of the local community colleges for the spring semester.  

So here we were, no money, wandering around Cooperstown for a couple of hours with my sister.  We couldn't afford to buy anything, so looking in the shops seemed like a waste of time, but it was cold outside, so we ended up in a general store type establishment.  

I was really anxious about starting school again at 27.  Even though it was more than a month away I guess I kept talking about it.  Would I fit in?  Would I be able to do the course work?  That was a big worry for me right there.  One of the reasons that I hadn't continued taking science in high school was that I had this belief that I wasn't good at it, or smart enough for it.  Probably somewhat due to my mother's mantra that if it wasn't an A, it wasn't a good grade.  When I'd looked at my high school transcripts, I was surprised to see I'd never gotten below a B in any class.  For some reason, I'd thought I was "bad" at science.  

So, probably since I wouldn't shut up about it, my husband marched me over to the school supplies section of the store, and told me to pick out a notebook.  I did.  It was the type of thing that probably would have been $3 at the local Wal-Mart, but of course here it cost $8.  He bought it for me, handed it to me, and said "Here you go.  You're a student again.  And you're going to be great."  

I don't know why, but that made it real for me.  I was going to do this, and I was going to be successful.  He believed in me enough to spend money that we didn't really have to spend on an overpriced notebook.  It was just a notebook, but for me it was the first tangible evidence that I was, for better or for worse, a college student.